I happen to watch a lot of Japanese Television shows. They’re called Dorama (ドラマ) shows there. That’s how Drama is pronounced in Japanese. The term Dorama isn’t limited to dramatic shows either, as it encompasses comedic shows as well. These shows are often very touching, and they can also teach you valuable life lessons. Here are a few lessons that I’ve learned from various shows (spoilers abound).
Don't go chasing waterfalls. And don't go catching box cutter attacks with your bare hands. Yeouch!
1) Arson is Okay
Learned From: The Queen’s Classroom （女王の教室）, Kaseifu No Mita （家政婦のミタ）
In the superb drama The Queen’s Classroom, villainous teacher Akutsu Maya (Amami Yuki) rules with an iron fist. In this example, Sato Erika (Kajiwara Hikari), class bully and all around b-word, finally has the tables turned on her when the rest of the class grows tired of her act. Erika responds to this in the most rational way she can. She trashes her classroom, pours gasoline all over the place, threatens to light herself and the place up, and attacks Akutsu-sensei with a box cutter. Sensei catches the box cutter with her bare hands and then berates Erika for being so stupid.
So what’s Erika’s punishment for all of this? Expulsion from school, trouble with the law? Nah, All of her classmates forgive her and she returns to the class as if nothing happened.
In Kaseifu No Mita, housemaid Mita Akari (Matsushima Nanako) will follow any order given to her by her employer. Her newest employer, Minagawa Mariko (Sato Hitomi), upon learning that her husband is cheating on her, orders Mita-san to kill her, her husband, and their child by burning the house down. Shocked that Mita would actually follow through on that, Minagawa orders Mita to light herself on fire instead. She almost does that too, but the usual tearful inspirational Dorama speech saves her.
Mita’s punishment for almost burning down the house? A nice stern talking to from the police.
It should be noted that both The Queen’s Classroom and Kaseifu no Mita were written by the same person, Yukawa Kazuhiko. He seems to have issues with lighting yourself on fire. And tall, emotionless women dressed in black.
The raifu of the waifu is ended by the naifu.
2) Attempted Murder is Okay
Learned From: Kaseifu No Mita （家政婦のミタ）
As in the previous lesson, Mita-san will do anything that she is ordered to do, if it’s possible to do. In this case Asuda Yui (Kutsuna Shiori), eldest daughter of the family Mita works for, orders Mita to kill her. When Mita actually tries to kill Yui, she orders her to stop. Yui then gathers up her resolve and orders Mita to kill her again, and to ignore her if she calls off the order. The following ensues: Mita tries to kill Yui, Yui fights back, Yui gets the knife and turns it on Mita, Yui’s family walks in and Yui turns the knife on herself, tearful inspirational Dorama speech™, situation resolved.
Punishment? None. That’s four people she’s attempted to murder now.
It's roofies, Mita-san!
3) Date Rape is Okay
Learned From: Great Teacher Onizuka （グレート ティーチャー オニヅカ ）
Fuyutsuki Azusa (Matsushima Nanako, again) is the pretty English teacher at Holy Forest Academy. Teshigawara Yuu (Ida Kunihiko) is the creepy-as-heck math teacher that enjoys activities such as stalking Fuyutsuki-sensei and plastering his bedroom wall with hundreds of photos of her. Using his extensive knowledge of everything Fuyutsuki, he manages to trick her into coming to his apartment. Once there he offers her some wine, which he’s spiked with his own homemade “Love Drug”. She passes out almost immediately, and Teshigawara carries her into the bedroom so he can have his way with her. Thankfully, Great Teacher Onizuka (Sorimachi Takashi) finds out about Teshigawara’s obsession. He’s able to save her right before Teshigawara violates her.
But what becomes of Teshigawara? Arrested and fired, you would think. But of course, nothing happens! He stays home for a few days out of shame, but his rapist tendencies are never brought up again. He goes right back to work, and neither Onizuka or Fuyutsuki say anything about it to anyone.
Guess what! Crazy arsonist writer guy wrote this one too!
Hey, stop looking at her like that!
4) Child Abuse is Funny!
Learned From: Don Quixote （ドン★キホーテ）
Don Quixote is a comedy about a Yakuza boss and a child protective services worker. The catch is, by some random magicks, they switch bodies like in all of those terrible 80′s movies! Normally, you wouldn’t equate a show that features many forms of child abuse with a comedy. But you forgot two things. One, this is a body-switching comedy. Two, this is Japan. They don’t follow your rules, man! They play outside the box!
Hey, if you can successfully build a comedy series around the happenings of child protective services, then kudos to you.
Hahahaha, Takeshi! You got Punk'd, with AIDS!
5) If you procreate with a HIV+ person, you and your kid won’t get infected!
Learned From: Kamisama, Mou Sukoshi Dake （神様、もう少しだけ）
Finally, we come to the show Kamisama, Mou Sukoshi Dake. The show that tells you that it’s okay to have unprotected sex with those who have HIV! Kano Masaki (Fukada Kyoko) is your average high school Japanese girl. She likes having fun and sleeping with dudes. She’s excited about going to see a concert with songs written by her favorite composer, Ishikawa Keigo (Kaneshiro Takeshi). But, oops! She lost her ticket! What’s a girl to do now? Simple. Sleep with a random dude for money. Then go to the concert, meet the composer, and sleep with him too! But, oops again! The random dude she prostituted herself to had HIV. Whoops! Now Keigo needs to get tested too. Don’t worry, he’s okay!
Years go by, Masaki and Keigo go through many trials and tribulations, and they get back together. Keigo decides he wants to have sex with her again, and knocks her up! But it’s okay, Keigo and the baby test negative for everything. Moral of the Japanese TV story: HIV isn’t contagious. Unless you’re a woman, or a teenager, or a prostitute.
Body-switching comedies? Criminal acts without consequences? AIDS immunity? Don't be ridiculous!
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